Have you ever given up on God? Or been close to giving up on Him? I have. This is the story of a spiritual journey: from feeling abandoned by God to feeling embraced by God. For years I’d felt an oppressive weight bearing down on me: the burden of anger against God. Why did it feel like He never stuck up for me? Why didn’t He rescue me from the abuse, loneliness, and pain of a troubled childhood? Why didn’t He stop my parents from abandoning me to the foster care system? With every disappointment, I became more and more convinced He wasn’t there, wasn’t guiding me through my struggles. He either could not or would not comfort me during the hard times; the times I needed Him most. I didn’t fear God, and secretly despised Him.
It was the drowning death and resuscitation of a young girl that forced me to rethink my contentious and unhealthy relationship with God. Knocked hard out of my irreligious complacency, I came to see tragedy, hope, suffering, and overcoming with new clarity and understanding. Adversity, I realized, can be one of God’s greatest blessings. This spiritual epiphany has filled me with immeasurable gratitude: for the breath of life, the goodness around me, and even for the sad, troubled past I had to overcome. This is a story about rediscovering God, and gaining awareness of His presence.
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